Friday, February 04, 2005

Now for some history

This is my diary.... it's sort of kept me sane up until now. There is of corse, some very private and sensitive issues in here. But what the hell:

They say you never look as good as your wedding day.
Well, I plan to change that.
I spent my wedding day, and the months leading up to it, dieting like crazy to simply avoid putting on weight.
I am not a massive overeater, I am not lazy and opposed to physical exercise, I am however, a drug addict. I take 20mg of Aropax a day and have done for a little over a year. During this time I have gained approximately 15 Kgs.
I am 5”2.

18 months ago I started to suffer from panic attacks. I was seriously ill as a consequence and after trying all manner of natural therapies, I can honestly say that Aropax saved my life. But the time has come where it is doing me more harm than good. I am scatty, my emotions are quite dulled, I don’t really feel raw emotion anymore, which I crave. My libido has suffered dramatically and my physical wellbeing has been harmed. So, today I embark on this journal journey. I am hoping I can document my Aropax withdrawals and successfully kick the nasty little pills…. Oh and returned to my buffed little self too.

So, today is day 4 for me at dropping my dose from 20mg to 15mg. So far so good. I have suffered aropax withdrawal before. It was nightmarish to say the least.
Head spins, dizziness, nausea, extreme displacement, crying uncontrollably. Yucky. I virtually couldn’t function. This time, I am tapering my doses. Very gradually cutting down until I can stop them completely and not be sick from stopping them.
So here goes, wish me luck.

Day 6 … I think. 15mg (12/01/05)

Well, today is roughly day 6 of my ¾ dose of Aropax. Whoa, I am seriously dizzy this morning. The head spins have started, or should I call them head zaps. It’s altogether too familiar, but I have every intention on persisting. I think that by day 10 or so, I should be able to start tapering down to ½ (10mg). Fingers crossed, it’s not too bad. Am surviving. Oh and forgot to mention have had diarrhoea and reflux (vomit in my mouth) quite a lot yesterday and so far today. Lets just say day 5-6 presents upset digestive system. Yep, feeling headachy and nauseous. Have read that taking Vitamin B (B12 specifically) is very beneficial during withdrawal. Also to drink lots of water. Will resolve to do these things, even though I know that I am very thirsty of late.Stomache cramps are bad today. I guess I will get used to them. I also read on a quit paxil website that chocolate helps withdrawal symptoms as it triggers something, yay for that!


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