Monday, February 14, 2005

The winds of change

Well, it has begun. The fiesty little no bull-shit person I remember myself as being is starting to emerge. It's fascinating to watch really.
The weekend (including friday) proved to be a real catalyst for change. After merrily writing away at my blog on friday i was confronted with some serious fears. I mentioned the fear of marriage being like post-natal depression, but I basically had another mini-meltdown only this time it was different. This time I was actually able to indentify the source of my unhappiness and decide to take action (thanks Em). I realized that I am totally fucking unhappy in every single way with my life in Canberra. I don't even like my house anymore. God I loved that house.
I just feel like I am being suffocated here, in a life that I don't want and can't escape from. So, we have decided to move to Brisbane. Something that I half-arsed decided with Scott over christmas. I want out. No, not to run away, I know all too well that problems follow you. I want out for my sanity. I am so tired of be stagnant and frustrated. I can't just expect the world to meander my fogged up head to each direction it needs to go, I am going to do that for myself.
So yah, it was amazing. Such a weight off my shoulders for several reasons, obviously, actually deciding to get out of this place, but also have the balls to make such a decision and to execute it.

Am so fidgetty today, am waiting for Scott to hear back from a company that have sort of offered him a job in Bris. If all goes well, they will pay for us to move there. And life will be alot easier for that transition period.
Please life... all go well.

Anyway, enough of that. On a good note, I am still on 2.5mg and looking to drop to the big zero either tomorrow or the next day. I shall keep you posted.


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