Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Moving right along

Well, things are really starting to happen with our move. We spent the first part of the weekend visiting my Dad. As usual, this was not a perfect visit. I do love my Dad, but he is an alcoholic and spent most of it pissed.
I actually got really upset because we all went to a bbq and left in seperate cars. I took Bill, my brother and Dad and Scott left in Dad's car. They turned up 3 hours later, drunker.
Dad couldn't understand why I was upset. I told him it was his last opportunity to spend time with me for a while and he chose to go to the pub instead.
I lay on the couch pretenting to watch a movie with my brother, just trying to hide the tears from falling. Years of having this sort of relationship with my Dad doesn't make it any easier and it all came flooding back to me, like I was a child again.

Anyway, I have no doubts that he has forgotten it, but he felt really bad and told me I was right. He confessed to being a terrible father, but said he loves me like mad.

The irony of this is amazing. A drunken confession of love and neglect can't make up for the lost years, and yet how can I keep my love from him? I can't change him. I just have to accept him. I have struggled for years with this.

Anyway, enough about that. My blog is turning into emotional guff.

I have to book my ticket to Brisbane today. For some reason I have been putting this off. I suppose it's just the finality of it all.
I'm also really nervous about arriving there without Scott. I'll be there for days by myself.
Despite my promise to stress less, I am a stress ball!!!
Some things will never change.

On a lighter note, I am going to be a bridesmaid! yay! my best friend Emma is getting married. Am so excited because she is awesome and he is awesome and that's just what you want for your friends. Just wish I could see her more often.

Must plot to be rich.... very very rich indeed... so I can fly everywhere and see everyone and do everything!


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