Friday, February 11, 2005

Hello Blog World,

What happens when you have post-natal depression? I mean, what really happens? Is it the whole idea of something coming along and changing your life and not quite being as you expected?
Well, I ask this because I wonder if there is a similar syndrome with marriage. Where you build your whole life (regardless of whether you mean to or not) to this whole ideal of meeting "the one" and living happily ever after. Is it normal to have feelings of doubt and fear after you actually make this committment to someone? I don't know. But I do wonder if there is such a thing, and whether it's common like Post natal depression.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I know when I last spoke I said I was doing great with my Aropax withdrawal, and I guess I still am. You can probably tell from my forlorn tone that I am a little down. Why? I don't know. Probably a whole bunch of events and feelings and frustrations with my life right now.
Anyway, I decied to stay on 5mg for the entire week. Well, I went to 2.5 on Tuesday, 5 on Wednesday and 2.5 thurs and friday. I am now just starting to get so damn frustrated with the whole process I want to speed it up as much as I can.
Number one plus in my life right now, is that I have had no panic attacks. It's amazing. For those of you who don't know, this is the reason I was prescibed the drug.
It's also one of the major side effects when you withdraw, so as you can imagine, a fairly nail biting topic for me.
Aside from this, I am on the journey to try to budge some of the weight I piled on from my meds. I will find out tomorrow whether I have actually lost anything this week. Fingers crossed for me. BUT, I do know I have lost 1cm around my kneck and a couple from my thighs. YAY! Better than a kick in the pants. (altought, depends whose kicking!)
Anyway, tomorrow is the weekend, FABULOUS. Love weekends. We have nothing much to do which is good and bad. Good because I am terrible at keeping committments and bad because I will go bored and probably turn to the bottle. Must not self medicate myself with alcohol.
But why is it so fun!!
So, with that, I will say have a good weekend, and next week going to be the big ZERO. Oh my god, 0-mg of crazy meds. Hold onto your computer seats fellow geeks. It's going to be quite a week.

Monday, February 07, 2005


Well, I made it. I'm a survivor. Not in a Beyonce way, more like a Kelly Rowland kinda way (love those gals).
Anyway, weekend was absoloute shit house. It started of GREAT. Scott and I were feeling great, so we had some drinkie poo's on friday night, stayed up really late talking, like the good old days. So right there, that's it (glug, glug, glug). My saturday morning is not going to be wonderful. We had to go see Mum, she's about 2.5 hours drive from us, but I felt so awful. Scott tried to cancel as I slept it off, but Mum wouldn't take no for an answer....
So there you go. We went to Woollongong. Nice time actually, just wish I had felt human.

Have noticed I am able to stay up much later than in the past. But, I have to say, those well publicised flu like systems that I have read about hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. Hard core!!! Not so bad today though. It seems that days 4-6 are the worst.

So, we decided last night I should stick to 5mg for at least another week. It's so close I can taste it. ARGH!!!!!