Friday, February 18, 2005

Well, today is day 4 and it's looking pretty good. I still have head zaps, and dizzyness, but overall, I am feeling quite spritely today. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it's friday??
yay for Friday!!!
On the withdrawal side of things, I don't really have alot to report. On a personal note, am still feeling a little fuzzy, am starting to wonder if I am just a fuzzy kinda person?
I have decided that I am not all that interesting. Basically, I don't do much more than go to and from work, drink and smoke. I don't seem to have any passion anymore. I want to be albe to enjoy my Aropax drug free life, but I don't seem to be motivated to do so.
If you have any suggestions out there about finding yourself or your passions, let me know.

Well, today is day 4 and it's looking pretty good. I still have head zaps, and dizzyness, but overall, I am feeling quite spritely today. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it's friday??
yay for Friday!!!
On the withdrawal side of things, I don't really have alot to report. On a personal note, am still feeling a little fuzzy, am starting to wonder if I am just a fuzzy kinda person?
I have decided that I am not all that interesting. Basically, I don't do much more than go to and from work, drink and smoke. I don't seem to have any passion anymore. I want to be albe to enjoy my Aropax drug free life, but I don't seem to be motivated to do so.
If you have any suggestions out there about finding yourself or your passions, let me know.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Day 3-Zero

Oh god, I feel like ground zero today (bound to get a response from any American's who happen to stumble upon my humble blog). I went to bed really early last night, 9pm and slept terribly. I feel so damn tired. I even woke at one point with a head zap. What I mean is that the f#%^&ing head zap actually woke me. It was nasty.
My eyes are having trouble with focusing, as in my vision is jumpy. It's not pleasant by any means, but I am coping. It's day 3. I was really hoping I would have no withdrawals for this final bit, but no such luck.
The BIGGEST thing still, is no anxiety, specifically, no panic attacks.
I'm going to try to take monday off work, because It think that I will be worse days 5-7 (historically this has been the case).
Irritability is at an all time high. I just want to fuck up everyone I see. I want to yell and scream and I feel suprisingly numb and hazy for one who is Aropax free.

I'll update tomorrow.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Wow

Well I am overjoyed to announce that today is my second day completely free from taking Aropax. After a gruelling few months of tapering down and concequently suffering withdrawals every week, this is the last. The End. Has a nice ring to it doesn't it?!
I didn't write yesterday, largely because I stumbled upon a website http://www.rense.com/general/pro.htm

This basically is an extract from a book called "Prozac: Panacea or Pandora?". It was amazing to read it and if you have any interest in the reasons I have been going through withdrawal and just why I am so bitter towards the Pharmaceutical companies and the Doctors who hand out meds like they are candy, I suggest you definately read it. If you can't be bothered, and largely to re-iterate to myself what I found, I will paste some exerpts:

"So why are we now in the 90's being told that increased serotonin is good for us? Is it because it is good for the pocketbooks of the manufacturers? One manufacturer is running full page newspaper and magazine ads and half hour TV infomercials to bring in over $7 million daily, while on the other hand they are settling Prozac suicide cases for huge amounts of money in exchange for silence from victim's families on the details of those settlements. The silence in the court cases insures that the drug will be allowed to finish out its patent time, thus bringing in the highest possible profits for the company. They know that with $7 million coming in daily, they can afford to settle a large number of lawsuits and still come out "smelling like a rose" financially. Eli Lilly has been sued for Prozac related deaths in numerous state and federal courts with most of these cases being settled or dismissed - many were dismissed due to the unethical manipulation of the Wesbecker verdict"
I love this one. It basically confirms what I been saying, that we are making the fatcats richer by giving into our insecurites and frustrations with modern life, by looking for that quick fix to why we are feeling blue. Don't get me wrong, I know more than anyone that sometimes there is no alternative, but for most people, they do not need these drugs, they are and most definately should be a last resort.

Anyway, this one really made me feel good about myself. Only because it's something I have battled with since being on this drug:

"ARCHIVES OF GENERAL PSYCHIATRY, Vol. 51, Issue 11, pgs 898-911, 1994 demonstrated that an increase in brain levels of either of two neurotransmitters, serotonin or noradrenalin, produces: #1 a craving for alcohol, #2 anger, #3 anxiety. They found this to be especially true for those who have a history of alcoholism. An increase serotonin in turn increases noradrenalin. Numerous reports have been made by reformed alcoholics who are being "driven" to alcohol again after being prescribed a serotonergic drug. And many other patients who had no previous history of alcoholism have continued to report an "overwhelming compulsion" to drink while using these drugs. "
Having come from a long line of alcoholics, I found myself very much craving drink, more so than ever, and I am drinking enough to kill a small horse these days. Who would have thought it? I just assumed it was because I was unhappy in my surroundings (ie, canberra) but I really do believe there is something more than that.

Another intersting webiste www.drugawareness.org explains just how SSRI's effect your brain and the truth is scary people.

Anyway, without too much more raving, I am truly glad I found this website, and that there are others just like it that exist. Moreover, I am glad that I am free from this drug. It's not been easy and I have the eery feeling it's not over yet, but I am there as far as I am concerned.
Most exciting thought is the prospect of my metabolism returning to normal and the kilos I have piled on falling off me. I hope that happens bloody soon, so I can wear clothes that fit me again!

I'll try to update tomorrow, if my brain has not turned to mush in the meantime.

Cheerio.

Monday, February 14, 2005

The winds of change

Well, it has begun. The fiesty little no bull-shit person I remember myself as being is starting to emerge. It's fascinating to watch really.
The weekend (including friday) proved to be a real catalyst for change. After merrily writing away at my blog on friday i was confronted with some serious fears. I mentioned the fear of marriage being like post-natal depression, but I basically had another mini-meltdown only this time it was different. This time I was actually able to indentify the source of my unhappiness and decide to take action (thanks Em). I realized that I am totally fucking unhappy in every single way with my life in Canberra. I don't even like my house anymore. God I loved that house.
I just feel like I am being suffocated here, in a life that I don't want and can't escape from. So, we have decided to move to Brisbane. Something that I half-arsed decided with Scott over christmas. I want out. No, not to run away, I know all too well that problems follow you. I want out for my sanity. I am so tired of be stagnant and frustrated. I can't just expect the world to meander my fogged up head to each direction it needs to go, I am going to do that for myself.
So yah, it was amazing. Such a weight off my shoulders for several reasons, obviously, actually deciding to get out of this place, but also have the balls to make such a decision and to execute it.

Am so fidgetty today, am waiting for Scott to hear back from a company that have sort of offered him a job in Bris. If all goes well, they will pay for us to move there. And life will be alot easier for that transition period.
Please life... all go well.

Anyway, enough of that. On a good note, I am still on 2.5mg and looking to drop to the big zero either tomorrow or the next day. I shall keep you posted.